“Creativity has soothed me” – Greta’s story

After joining Rethink Mental Illness’ Arts and Social Network, Greta was able to reconnect with her creative side. She is now more confident and socially active, using art to soothe her personality disorder.

I’m an artist. This is new for me to say with confidence, even though I studied art when I was younger. I hated the art world with a passion - the dealers, the galleries, the ‘cool kids’ of the 90’s. I wanted to have nothing to do with that world.

So, I travelled, attended hospital appointments for my mental health, sought solace in an older man whom I married and gave three children to. Another husband followed and another child.

Each husband consumed me. I wasn’t an artist, I was a wife and a mother. I attended to everyone’s needs, but started to shrink both literally and metaphorically. I was suicidal, manic and had horrendous daydreams. I was raised atheist, but I thought of myself as Madonna.

I’ve had my diagnosis of EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) and C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) since 2016. It is very complex and there isn't much help as the doctors themselves are learning. However, support in the community, like these groups, are very important.

I joined Rethink Mental Illness’ London Arts and Social Network five years ago. The London Arts and Social Network has helped a lot with my loneliness, isolation and confidence. Art is very healing and with this group, I’ve been able to take part in workshops and attend exhibitions, like the Dulwich gallery.

I needed creativity and it made me feel alive everytime I let it into my life. Sometimes, I’d secretly write poetry in notebooks, make handmade gifts and cards for my children. I loved to express myself through fashion.

In my darkest days, alone in a room in North London, I started to sew words. I made felt books for my children, who social services took and sent away. I breathed life into the material as I held it in my hands. I inhaled as my needle moved. I dreamt of huge tapestries where I’d tell stories, and speak for myself and my children. 

As I sewed, made and created, I found peace; a sense of who I am and who I want to be. Now years later, I understand I was soothing myself in the best, most suitable way.

For the past year, I’ve been volunteering as an art therapist in my local psychiatrict hospital. The most important thing I teach is a way to find some peace, for free or as cheaply as possible. I’m now stable, with a home and on disability benefits. I buy art supplies in Poundland, or charity  shops; use Freecycle and skips.

I’m an artist who is outside of the art world. I’m a mother who is apart from her children. But here as Greta, I write this. I write how creativity has soothed me, not saved, cured or fixed me, but given me some semblance of peace.

Art is not within gallery walls, it is the colour of your t-shirt and the way you wear your hair; the way you drink your coffee, the way your body moves and holds space.

Reclaim your identity, especially if a professional has made a decision about what you can and can't do based on an impression that you were too sick, weak, poor or incapable of living a life of beauty, joy and peace. Reclaim and say who you are. Breathe life back into you.