“I have so much to live for” – Ziggy’s story

After a difficult adolescence, Ziggy found himself in a constant roulette of manic episodes. With support from family, friends and professionals, like our Rethink Mental Illness Advice and Information Service, Ziggy is now able to enjoy life.

My story of bipolar disorder started when I was 14 years old. Like most teens, I went through a rebellious stage. Now looking back at it, the environment I was growing up in and the kids I was hanging around with were definitely a bad influence on me. My antisocial, rebellious behaviour was a way to impress them, not who I intended to be. 

Unfortunately, a combination of bad choices and bad role models have a massive impact on who and how we are. I had an inner conflict with what I felt and who I wanted to be. And those were my first signs of bipolar disorder. 

My mother raised me and my siblings on her own at that time. She was always in my life, even now, supportive and hardworking. Unfortunately, I became too much to handle and understand. I was sent back to live with my father in Zimbabwe.

My relationship with him did not exist. He understood very little about mental health and had a lack of understanding. I went through manic episodes; a constant roulette of happiness and depression. Sleepless nights became my new routine. For years, I felt hopeless. I felt I had no one and it was pointless to live. I tried to end my life several times.

Fortunately, that was enough of a warning sign even to my father and I eventually saw a psychiatrist. Although wrongly diagnosed with depression, the medication seemed to put me down in a new, calmer emotional state. Years passed by and, with my constant low-key mood, I moved back to the UK, finished school and initially started to work.

Meanwhile, still medicated, the voices and thoughts persisted, getting stronger and louder. On top of that, work and home life were stressful. I felt a lack of control over my emotions and didn’t understand them. I didn't understand the world, which for me always looked back with harsh judgment; so much hate and loneliness that at a certain point I couldn’t take it any longer.

Eventually, I ended up in a mental health hospital due to not taking my medication, mainly because certain people encouraged me I’d be fine without it. I also thought I’d be fine without it after all of these years. 

Eventually, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. With the right medication and care, I was released yet again to the world. I felt better - it just happened suddenly and I'm grateful for the support I got from friends, family and professionals.

I was encouraged to find out more information about my condition and came across the Rethink Mental Illness factsheet about bipolar on their website. I found this resource very helpful and informative. I’d recommend people with diagnosed mental health conditions to educate themselves on their condition. Now, not only are my symptoms under control, I rebuilt my relationship with my family, made new friends and feel I have so much to live for!

I decided to use my passion and love for art for good. Not only to show the world my artwork, but to also spread awareness. This is why I started my own website, where I give information and guidance through digital art about mental health conditions.

My word of advice is…

“Remember what you went through and learn from it. The people you surround yourself with or little things in life and never forget that. Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” (Lyndon B. Johnson)