“I’ve lost many friends” – Karen’s story
25/09/2024
Karen shares the stigma she faced from her family and friends after developing postnatal depression with her third child. She speaks out on the complexities of the illness and now uses her experience to support others.
My name is Karen and I’m 53 years old. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression 15 years ago after my third child was born. The symptoms I experienced were feeling very sad, hopeless, suicidal. I was dissociating constantly, not knowing where I’d been and lost track of time. This is when it became dangerous as I tried to take my own life regularly, not wanting my baby out of my sight. I didn’t think I was good enough to be a mother.
I experienced stigma on many occasions. The first time it happened, I was in a mother and baby unit and my parents, especially my father, said to pack up my stuff and go home as I “didn’t belong there”. My parents didn’t visit me again for six weeks. I felt like I lost their support which made me feel judged.
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One particular friend asked me not to contact them again after many years of friendship
I’ve lost many friends as they couldn’t cope with my illness. They didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy having such a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful family. One particular friend asked me not to contact them again after many years of friendship. This made me feel a sense of loss. My mental illness became so bad I was sectioned three times for six months on each admission. I only had a couple of friends visit me on the ward, which made me feel very lonely and isolated.
My husband brought my children to visit every other day, however I was very scared that seeing me in that environment would impact their mental health. I held onto every visit. The psychiatrist on the ward then added EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder), severe depression and anxiety to my conditions.
I had to try many medications for years until I was given the ones which worked. I was given ten sessions of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) which worked particularly well for me. I’m now in a good place. I like to think that volunteering for Rethink Mental Illness at the Sheffield Crisis House means I can now help others.
Many people think that postnatal depression is just a form of the baby blues and that is far from the truth. Health professionals need to be trained more about this illness. There‘s definitely a huge hole where there should be more mother and baby units up and down the country, instead of the mother being separated from her baby and admitted to a general secure mental health ward.