“My managers at work treat me differently” - Christopher’s story

Christopher shares his journey with schizophrenia and severe depression, from crisis point to a fulfilling, peaceful life. Though Christopher is a successful Peer Support Coordinator, he sheds light on his experience of stigma at work. 

I started to experience schizophrenia, psychosis and depression when I was 15 years old. I went through serious life challenges in London, where I grew up around gangs, crimes and drugs. I was experiencing severe depression, anxiety, stress, delusions and paranoia because of my negative childhood and upbringing. 

I believed that gangs members were going to attack me; would have delusions and visions of being harmed with a knife and gun. I was very fearful, isolated and lonely. I’d ruminate on my negative thoughts and life experiences all the time. I took an overdose of prescription drugs because I didn’t want to live anymore and my pain was too much to take. I was then sectioned in hospital.  

From 15 to 24 years old, I was in and out of hospital and mental health wards. In 2014, I lost my home, all of my possessions and became homeless. I was sectioned in hospital for the last time when Paul, my employment specialist mentor, and Karen, my psychologist, helped me to recover by getting me back into paid employment and giving me therapy for past trauma.  

I’ve had a hard time dealing with stigma and kept all of my feelings and emotions to myself, which destroyed me from the inside out. I’ve experienced lots of stereotypes from family and friends about being “crazy”, “mad” and “insane” because of my mental health conditions. When I tried to explain to them that I was going through depression and psychosis, they couldn’t understand and said that “you are mad, crazy and need some professional help.”  

I haven’t told certain people that I have mental health conditions like my colleagues, managers or partners because they wouldn’t understand the serious life experiences I’ve been through. It makes me feel worthless and not important when I have to hide significant parts of my life at work. Compared to other colleagues, my managers at work treat me differently.  

I remember one day, I was very mentally low and depressed, and told my manager I needed to go home because I wasn’t feeling well. My manager said, “you’re not the only person who has life challenges and mental health difficulties, sort yourself out and get back to work.” I’ll never forget how angry and upset I felt that my manager didn’t understand my mental health condition and just judged me. 

My journey is something I had to go through to be who I am today and I wouldn’t change anything that happened to me. I have recovered and my mental health is stable.

Throughout my career, I’ve had 15 jobs in the mental health industry. I currently work as a Peer Support Coordinator, managing and supervising Peer Support Workers in South London. I’ve written 30 books about my life stories, personal development and faith - I am a Christian and my faith is especially important to me. I’m also a musician who creates spiritual music in hip-hop, rap, Christian gospel.  

I want people to know you can live with schizophrenia and psychosis, and have a fulfilling, meaningful life if you get the right professional support and look after yourself. You are not your mental health condition and it doesn’t define you as an individual. There is a life beyond mental illness.