Rose had a difficult journey before being diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) at 22 years old. Although there are still some bad days, playing with her children, studying for a degree and holding down responsible jobs has proved to her that tailored support can help you live your life.

I won’t lie and say that I've gone on an amazing journey and found myself, and I am completely cured. Because that will never happen. This is my reality.

I’ll never know for sure when my journey began, but I started showing worrying signs and self-harming by the time I was 12. I suffered with bullying at home and at school. I had no escape. And my mental health began to decline, but with no proper support, I found the wrong coping mechanisms.

At 16 I first tried to get support from professionals. Something didn’t feel right, people around me started to notice it more. The experience wasn’t great. My parents didn’t understand, the professionals didn’t see the whole picture. I was misdiagnosed. Six months later I attempted suicide. 

At 22, my colleagues and managers noticed patterns in my behaviour over the years and during one low, they called my GP. Six months later I was finally diagnosed with emotionally unstable personality disorder. 

EUPD effects people differently. My EUPD means that I have some days where I feel able to function and feel “normal”.

Other days, I might need help from others, whether it’s calming down from a high (I am an impulsive spender, it’s always best that I have someone with me) or my lows where I need someone with me to do most day-to-day tasks like cooking, cleaning, functional tasks, reminders to eat and wash. Very bad days, I have someone with me constantly and I have to be careful what I’m around because of negative impulses. I hallucinate, seeing people, and have a voice in my head, so I have a permanent bully in my head.

I’m lucky that during my highs, because I have two young kids, I can just go a bit ‘hyper’ with them. 

For a few years, I was put on different medication and added to waiting lists for therapy, but my support networks were beginning to take shape. I lost a few jobs because of my medication making me a walking zombie. I had a miscarriage and that took a massive toll.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had the normal mood swings, extreme moods, but I had professionals keeping a close eye. When my daughter was four weeks old, my mental health completely turned. I couldn't be on my own at home 24/7 for six weeks due to wanting to harm while they started medication. It was a lot of pressure on those around me.

The decision was made for me to go into a mother and baby unit. I was there for three months. And it was the best decision. I was around supportive professionals all the time, actions could be taken instantly instead of waiting for a crisis team. I felt so much better, supported. And I learnt, as well as those around me, how bad my mental health could get and what works and what doesn't. 

Three years later, I’m on medication, in a therapy group for my condition and I have the support network I need. For the first time, I'm beginning to feel like a functioning human again.

I'm studying a degree in psychology and later a mental health nursing degree. I worked in childcare for seven years, I was the Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator and the deputy. EUPD doesn't mean a death sentence. I've had a tough time but I am learning all the time.

People don't realise how long treatment can be with mental ill health. The battle is long. And it’s hard.

But find what works for YOU.

Give different things a go, you never know what might work.

But keep fighting and battling for that right support for you.