"Remember you’re doing the best you can” – Tayyibah’s story

In this blog, Tayyibah takes a moment to reflect on her progress over the last four years. Although she struggled a lot with social anxiety and panic attacks, she has now managed to get out of the dark place and into the light.

There’s still a lot of stigma around mental health. It’s perfectly fine to not be okay, we all have good days and bad days - it's part of life. I know it’s hard to reach out. When you’re going through something, you don't want to worry other people or feel like you have no one to turn to.

It has been over four years now since I first started struggling with my mental health. In high school, I’d been through bullying with other students saying, “she's depressed” etc. I had a hard time with communication and struggled to maintain friends. I got told I wouldn't pass my GCSEs, but I managed and even got into college to study childcare. I wanted to make a difference in children who were classed as shy as something similar was said to me. I enjoyed working with children; the funny things they’d say. I felt like that was the one space where I could be myself. It made me want to pursue a career within the education sector.

But things started spiraling down. I started to feel very nervous around people and would withdraw myself from staff, students and friends. I was unable to express emotions and feelings, becoming very emotional and lost. I didn’t understand what I was going through, what was happening or even why I felt that way. I really did feel awful about myself.

I went through counselling but still found it very difficult to speak out. It was frustrating because I wanted to be myself but couldn’t. I was referred to CAMHS and then got Sam, my emotional support bunny, who was such a huge help.

It took a while to get my head around my diagnosis of social anxiety, panic attacks and selective mutism. I felt they were labels that I was carrying around and that’s what people saw me for. It was hard. Every day, I blamed myself. I put myself down, had low self-esteem and low confidence.

I applied to universities and got all 5 unconditional offers. I was proud and so was my course leader! I remember her telling me, “I knew you'd get it!” Due to my ongoing struggles, I found Young Minds and supported them through the pandemic. I set up my own page to share quotes and daily reminders for students to see.

At college, I was referred again to counselling and got given a book with cards in by the safeguarding officer. When I was struggling, she told me to open the book and get a card out to remind myself that I'm doing okay. At this point, I was referred to the adult mental health service.

I took part in a video for World Mental Health Day, where university students were sharing experience, advice and information. I decided to undertake a few online courses, such as suicide awareness and psychological first aid, to have a better understanding. A few students were at crisis point so I did my best to signpost them. One of my lecturers said, “passing on people is a powerful thing to do” and that's stuck with me ever since. I was able to present for the very first time to a small group after a huge fear and was grateful for the love and support everyone gave me. I published a little quote book of daily reminders that students could carry.

Later in the year, I was referred again to adult services and my experience wasn't as good as my first one. My bunny also passed away and it was a tough thing for me to cope with. I became a youth board member with Beyond charity and a sub-editor in the Student Minds blog team. I presented to a large audience which was such an achievement for me.

I was nominated for various awards for my mental health work. This year, I became a finalist for the Inspirational Youth Awards and have been in the local news. After struggling for four years, I'm finally in a better position. I'm thankful for all my friends, family and staff members for the love and support. They showed me that I’m enough. I still have my days, but I use box breathing and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 coping methods to ease anxiety and panic attacks. This gives me a sense of the here and now; that I’m safe and have support around me.

So, to anyone suffering from a mental illness - don't doubt your worth. You can get through this! Each day is a battle but remember there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember you’re doing the best you can. I know it’s like you're on a rollercoaster going up and down, but it’ll be worth it when you come off at the other end. There is a past version of you that would be so proud of how far you've come.