“She cancelled the job offer” - Desislava’s story

After moving to England from Bulgaria, Desislava experienced her first episode of schizophrenia. She shares the stigma and discrimination she faced when seeking employment, but has built a meaningful life since. 

I’m 39 years old and suffer from schizophrenia. I’ve had two episodes till now. My first one started when I was 33 years old. I was hearing voices, seeing things; too scared for my life, didn’t sleep or eat at all. I spent three months in hospital after my second crisis. My family was in Bulgaria, I was in England by myself. 

Half a month before I got discharged from the hospital, I was already looking for a new job and place to stay, as when I went into crisis, I lost my accomodation and job. I was in the city centre walking around and saw a shop for hair products. Because I have long, thick curly hair, the owner of the shop offered I work there as they were looking for an assistant. I was very happy and excited because of the opportunity.  

I saw the owner again after I spoke with the hospital to see if I was ok to start work. At the time of the job offer, my address was the hospital. Because the owner asked for my address, I told her about my health condition and the hospital where I was living. She then changed her attitude towards me. She changed her face and tone of voice. She cancelled the job offer, said to me that “I’d get too emotional” and perhaps I wouldn’t work well. 

This made me feel like half a human. Because my treatment was going good, I didn’t have the positive symptoms of the illness. After I was rejected, it took me around a month to feel confident enough to look for a new job.  

As a Bulgarian in the UK, I needed a job, so I started to look again. At the next job opportunity, as a cleaner, I was hired but the moment I disclosed my diagnosis, the person doing the interview searched the condition on the internet and started to shake after reading it. In that moment, I felt like a monster, like I was somebody to be afraid of.  

The next time I felt like an outcast was with my GP. She was with a second person in the room when I saw her for first time. I didn’t see the need of a second person in the room, as I don’t consider myself a dangerous person.  

When I had my second episode, I started work as a cleaner in a big supermarket. I was still in hospital, so I started with a letter from my doctor and special permission to go out early in the morning. My motivation was the support I got from the hospital I was in. There, I met nice people - nurses, doctors and patients. I am very grateful to all of the people working there. 

After I got discharged, I continued to be under the Mental Health Act and was supported by CAMEO, an early intervention service for psychosis where I did over 30 hours of psychology. I continued working as a cleaner for a few years. I made friends and met my boyfriend. I was suffering from depression as well, but kept working all this time, first at four hours a day then slowly increasing. My motivation was my family back home and my friends who never abandoned me. 

After a few years working as a cleaner, I started to look for other options. I started as an assistant in a local pharmacy, joined a course and also as a customer assistant in a supermarket. I was working three jobs at the same time. 

I’m optimistic for my future. I stopped smoking two years ago and I was heavy smoker for 20 years. Recently I started going to the gym again. My passion for cooking is slowly coming back. To live with mental health problems is very difficult, as you miss the person you were before the crisis. And to make this person appear again it takes a lot of work, support and not missing your medication.

In my case, the doctors said it was miracle to get so well and to function normally. I think it’s the spirit, and the luck and huge support I had in hospital. My desire is to help others like me and give them hope because there is.