“It’s only me that knows the history of his illness” – Stella’s story

Stella first heard of Rethink Mental Illness five years ago, when her husband was hospitalised. Accessing our Bristol Carers Service has given her opportunities for respite and peer support. 

What I’ve learnt from being a carer is to never, ever make prejudgements about mental health because none of us know exactly what kind of diagnosis somebody has got or how serious. Most people who meet my husband wouldn’t know he was on heavy duty medication. It’s only me that knows the history of his illness. A lot has happened. 

Years ago, I would’ve been the kind of person who would’ve said something like ‘oh I bet they’ve just diagnosed themselves off the internet’ or ‘there’s not really much wrong with them’. Since being a carer, I’m much more open-minded. 

No-one understands how tied you are to the home or where you live when you’re a carer. The main thing for me is keeping in regular contact with my husband, even when I'm out of the house, and not putting him or both of us in any unusual situation which could trigger his illness.  

When you think of other people’s lives, they might have a couple of holidays a year or long weekends away. You can’t do anything like that as a carer. That is a big limiting thing. We haven’t had a holiday for over 5 years since he was hospitalised, because the stress of travelling through busy trains, bus depots or airports is too difficult for him.  

I’d really like it if we could go away together, but actually we really can’t. I can’t really go away on my own for any length of time either. Very occasionally, I spend one evening away. 

I got involved with Rethink Mental Illness back in 2019 because my husband was hospitalised. I’m very grateful for the opportunities I get through Rethink’s signposting. It gives me options for respite, to take care of my own wellbeing. 

The Rethink Carers Bristol Service run regular things like walks and events. I’ve been going to monthly meetings for six months, on a course where I met other carers in my area. It was really good hearing things from the viewpoint of different carers.  

I’ve also had help to apply for the annual grant from the council and carers allowance. I knew nothing about the carers allowance before - I was an unofficial carer for about ten years. My husband was on lifetime DLA (Disability Living Allowance) at the time I met him, before it got changed to PIP (Personal Independence Payment). Rethink helped him reapply for that as well, which was amazing.