Ella's Story

After attempting suicide, Ella was detained under the Mental Health Act. She explores her experience in hospital and how Rethink Mental Illness’ Advice and Information Service supported her. 

I first started struggling with my mental health when I began secondary school. The combination of undiagnosed autism, bullying, and poor parental health caused my mental health to deteriorate significantly. By the age of 15, I was engaging in self-harming behaviours and regularly putting myself at risk.

This marked the beginning of a prolonged mental health crisis. Due to systemic failings and delays in accessing appropriate support, my needs were not properly understood and community intervention came too late.

In late 2017, following multiple attempts to end my life, I was sectioned for the first time. At the time, I had no idea this would begin a cycle of admissions that would last more than three years. During that period, I was admitted to six different psychiatric hospitals across three NHS trusts, alongside countless visits to general hospitals and places of safety.

These admissions were traumatic and life-altering. In many ways, I left with more trauma than I entered with. I had no understanding of what a psychiatric hospital was or what lay behind its locked doors. However, I quickly learned the reality of life within the system and the desperation I felt while trying to survive it.

One of my longest admissions was over 70 miles from home, while another was 167 miles away. The distance made it incredibly difficult for my family to provide support. Communication between services was often poor, particularly as I was transferred between trusts, and I frequently felt viewed as a number rather than a person.

During one Mental Health Act assessment, I was reassured that I would remain close to home. Shortly afterwards, I was told there were no available beds. I spent weeks waiting in general hospitals and days at a time with no clear plan. During this period, I lost almost all freedom, spending weeks staring at the same four walls. At my lowest point, I forgot my own name and stopped caring for myself altogether. I completely lost my sense of identity.

Throughout my admissions, I missed out on many of the experiences that shape a person’s teenage years. I missed school, friendships, relationships and opportunities to participate in my community. While my peers were discovering who they were and finding their place in the world, I was being moved between hospitals across the country.

The impact on my family was immense. They spent hours travelling to visit me, took time off work, and paid for hotels just to spend short periods of time with me. On one occasion, they stayed in a hotel for two weeks so they could visit me every day. I remain incredibly grateful for everything they did to support me.

I began learning about my rights within hospital and exploring what support I could access for myself. During this time, I came across Rethink Mental Illness and started reading about the Mental Health Act and the rights available to people detained under it.

For the first time in years, I felt a sense of control. I spent hours reading, making notes, and educating myself. I applied for a tribunal and, although my first application was unsuccessful, I continued to advocate for myself and challenge decisions being made about my care.

In early 2020, I was discharged from my final psychiatric hospital admission after successfully winning my tribunal. Although I was relieved, I had to rebuild my life from scratch. I was no longer the same 15-year-old who had entered the system. Years of admissions, trauma and instability had changed me in ways I was only beginning to understand.

Today, more than six years later, I have remained hospital-free. The experiences I had will always be a part of my story, but they don’t define me. They have given me purpose. I now work in children’s mental health and strive everyday to create positive change so that other young people don’t have to experience what I did.

I still use Rethink resources from time to time, both personally and professionally. The information I accessed helped me find my voice when I felt powerless. Most importantly, I’m proud of the person I’ve become. 

Take action today

Add your name to support safer mental health care. This year, we'll be pushing for improvements to inpatient mental health care and updating you on ways to get involved.